Little thoughts

So sometimes i am hard headed - okay most of the time i am hard headed. Yes They always find a way to get into this head of mine. Love it!

Growth and change.. but growth. Do not get stuck in Y/your ways and habits - give and take, learn and release.

Oooo i slept in

Guess who started up rl work again - lol, need to find my new rhythm. Today i over slept - but i needed it. Exhaustion did not mildly express how tired i was last night when i got home.

Love being back at work, and being able to help my Family in this way also. Plus work keeps me out of mischief, and for E/everyone that reads my blog - well mischief and me - when my brain gets involved usually equals a sore bottom.

Remember

In all areas - it is learning and growing T/together. Being there through the good times (oh so good) and the rough times (not so fun).

Important the bad with the good... not just the good - not unless that is the type of relationship Y/you have decided to be in with the O/other(s). my relationship, is good and bad - 24/7 ... and i love Them, Would not trade it for the world.

Smiles

i love my SL family and work - and i am so excited to be returning to work in rl tomorrow. AWESOME!!!

Am i the only person that gets excited to work?

Nothing better

There is nothing better than starting Y/your morning T/together ... a quiet devotion and cuddles. Just cuddles, sharing in a moment that only Y/you can share and grasp.

Perfect start to the day!

WOOTS - and because i can - TONIGHT

i did it - no meltdowns - WOOTS!!! Much better start to today too. AWESOME

Now because this is my blog and i can, giggles (yes i do have a bit of a brat in me, if Y/you hadn't figured it out yet)

★*♪ ┊　☆ ┊ ★ Woooooot *♪ ┊　☆ ┊ ★*♪ ┊　☆ ┊

⊱❥⋰ ⋮ ⋱ ⊱❥ SINFUL SECRETS - DECEMBER RELEASE PARTY ❥DEC 3TH AT 6PM ❥BLISS TEMPLE OF SIN W/ DJ SERA LIVE ❥ MMMMMM ARE YOU NAUGHTY OR NICE ⊱❥⋰ ⋮ ⋱ ⊱❥

✭⌒♡http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Bliss%20Island/62/62/2460

❤❤❤❤❤ kiss me ❤❤❤❤❤ 

The edge

i will run myself to exhaustion to help my Dominates - today i think i hit that marker - as a full on just barely below a migraine hit. Instead of listening, i kept not going to bed - and falling asleep all over the house.

So as my temper reared up - hey my head is pounding - i get told i am topping. i am not in trouble for my headache, i am in trouble for topping. Stubborn twit i can be - i sit outside and pull it out of my arse. (No wonder it was hurting, right?) LOL

i do not want another meltdown situation - i acknowledged what i was told. i apologized, and while i still had a excuse there - i admitted to the excuse. Took some more painkillers, ate, and now - not dwelling, learn, moving forward. i have the power to change the rest of this day - and i am going to. For the better - by my focus, concentration, actions, and behavior.

This will not be a meltdown day.

Love it

i love it when all the lessons are starting to sink in, and even i am realizing that i am learning and growing finally.

Happy happy happy Angel .... WOOTS

i was in trouble, but instead i focused on the situation and what was happening. i listened instead of trying to listen to respond as fast as i could to get out of trouble. i calmed my roll when i started getting frustrated with a deep breath and returning my focus. Then i stopped dwelling, learned, and worked on going forward with the day.

For those who do not know me - that is a huge huge accomplishment!

Moment of Clarity

Talking with another submissive i posed a question to her - for all submissive's and even Dominate's to ponder.

How can you expect to ask Them to Dominate if you are unwilling to submit ... or vise versa ... How can You expect them to submit when You are not willing to be Dominate

Birthday Girl

Yes, this Angel had her birthday yesterday - and my Bliss Temple of Sin and BToS Radio family came through in flying style. Amazing night, so much fun!!!

Consideration

Something i really failed to ever realize or internalize with submission - is that so much reflects from body language, vocal tones, and facial expression. i get in more trouble in those areas, but it is good that i am realizing it - because it not only helps me  be better to serve Them better. It helps all around as human, in my interactions with others. Hope that made sense.

Oooooo

Really have to watch it, especially when i am tired - my attitude comes out more in my voice then i ever realized. Not to mention my facial expression - then i over correct and go deadpan, monotone - which was pointed out to me tonight.

my mind is just so full of stuff that needs to be done.

Heaven

my heaven - at my Dominate(s) feet - serving Both of Them in any way that They ask - of my own free will and the thrill i get when i am there. That perfect clear cut, focused state of mind.

Mmmmmm what a morning!

What is hard

i am angry today, and i have to let it go.. this i already know. First it is not my lesson, second i really do not know all the details, third the only involvement in it i have is that it is affecting one of my sis's (sister's in service) ....

Logically i know i have to let it go, unlogically - she is my sis, i care for her, and i hate to see her hurting or punished. Especially if my gut keeps telling me it is a unjust one.

Tired

So very tired, and so very sore. Not the good kind, lol.

Especially like this i need to watch my focus and concentration - and my temper,so that i do not show disrespect by accident.

Giggles - it is my blog after all

It is okay

It is okay to cry when you are in pain, and it is okay to express that you are in pain. Guess what i am in pain. A ice pack and a few pain killers later i am less pain. i did say i work and work hard and after 12 days in row, i am a bit sore and tired. The tears helped me to feel some release from the mental tension, and now the physical is more tolerable. i am home with my Dominates, loved and safe.

Smiles

i know i have days i rock at posting and other days i am horrible at it, some of it is rl work. i work and i work hard at my job. So please a little leniency there. Secondly this is rl - i live rl in my submission which means i am learning and growing as i talk with Y/you here. When i have issues, i tend to withdraw from the world. i get quiet, and i get sulky. It is a bad bad habit and one i am learning to correct. i have had a rocky few weeks. So with that, i do apologize.

i am a creature of habit, and those habits can be very hard to break. i still wake up every morning, and i know where my heart is, and Who has my soul. i go to bed every night knowing that same knowledge. That is the most beautiful thing ever.

Remember

While i talk a lot about how we have a duty to our Dominates - They also have a duty by us. Don't forget that. we trust Them to care for us, to have our needs - not our wants - but needs in consideration. They give us something we need and crave - but we also give Them a huge gift - ourselves.

The relations - for some the word dynamic - is something beautiful, not something to be entered into lightly or on a whim.

Something to think of for A/all of U/us.

Frustrating

i am one of those who are locked inside my head, and i will actually act out to keep others away from the emotional side of me. my Dominates, love me so much - that She will actually piss me off to get me to suddenly give a voice to those thoughts. i hate admitting that i do that, because as i learned yesterday it is a form of topping. Emotions are hard to work through, it is hard to admit to ones Dominate that you are angry at them, that your feeling did get hurt because you took something said the wrong direction. ...

That leads straight to COMMUNICATION - They are not mind readers, and They want to know those emotions, those deep thoughts that go unexpressed - because you are Theirs, and in my case They love me. i need to let go and fully love. i need to feel, i need to express, and i need to release whatever it is that i keep blocked in. (LOL - unfortunately sometimes, most of the time  i am not entirely sure until after the fact)

Smiles

E/everyone has good days and bad days - and off days. Currently my days are learning to leave work at work, Walk out the door and work issues stay put, home life takes over. Vice Verse. To think i would have this down now, but i am learning management in the matter of days. my brain is full, but my Dominates are more important. i walk from that door, i am entirely Theirs. my focus needs to shift from work to Home.

Think on that, because it will help you immensely to learn and being to practice.

WOOTS!!!

So happy to be back at work, and working on everything with Bliss Temple of Sin and BToS Radio - seriously if Y/you haven't checked it out Y/you should.

Remember to show and tell your Dominates how much They mean to you. They need some appreciation and love as much as you do.

Focus

Focus is something is easy to lose if one is still learning to keep it. i am in training and many times i need to redirect it. i know a lot of these posts have been on it, but please realize just how important it is to have.

It is so easy to misdirect it or justify that it was correctly placed when you are in error. Things like i was doing the task You asked of me, or but this is my job that i do everyday or You - do not matter.

If your Dominate wants your attention no matter what you are doing at that time - whether for Them or not. Then at least acknowledge Them and attend to Their needs. Remember submissive - not top.

Yawns

Up early for work - huge yawn - 6am shift today.

One thing to always keep in mind, no matter how tired one gets is focus. Redirect that focus a million times if you need to, but your Dominate when with Them comes first. It is easy to think that you are focused truly on Them when doing a project for Them - but if your not listening to what They are saying .. then you are not really focused on Them but the project instead.

Thoughts to think on and remember.

WOOTS!!!

Back at a job that i enjoy with people i enjoy - it is like a work family. So happy, and They are happy i am happy. Smiles...

Runs around Singing

i love it when i am focused and i think They love it too. my crash and burn epic problem a few days ago, really got through to my head.

Best advice that took me how long to get through my skull - learn and move forward.

Smiles

Sometimes it takes the hard way to wake a person up to what they have. i happen to excel at the hard way, but at a epic scale. Forget the little piddle stuff, if i am going to mess up - i mess up.

i am the luckiest girl in the world because, They are right there to help me out. i love Them so much!

Guilty Angel

What happens when this girls focus is in the wrong place, she gets really really quiet and also gets in a lot of trouble.

In the middle of it, she learns a lot of really great lessons, and with the love of not only her Dominates, but also her bro (Draco) she gets her head screwed on right.

i am back!

Cranky lead to sick

i hate being sick, and i got all nice and sick. Pretty much slept for almost two days straight. Today i am up and moving, would say i am around 70% back to normal. Oversensitive is the key word, which leads me back to cranky.

Which leads me to hiding away in a corner to try to keep from putting my foot in my mouth yet again today. *sigh* Which can equal correction if i am not careful.

This is where it is important to focus and concentrate. i am not aiming to get in trouble, i absolutely do not want to top from the bottom .... i am just in a cranky mood. That needs self-discipline, and i am the only one capable of that.

Listening and Growing

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Cranky

Dominates and submissive's can B/both get pretty cranky at times - W/we are after all human. Tonight i am one cranky little butt ... working on getting my tude in check.

Hey it happens, again we are human too.

Low Energy

Something important to remember, even when your energy is low, that is not a excuse. Communicate that with Your Dominates - it is a part of life, and letting Them know your tired and exhausted is important. Better to say what is wrong then let a miss communication happen. Save a lot of trouble - as i am always reminded, They are not mind readers.

On that note - rocking it tonight with DJ Mike Meyers live on BToS Radio and at Bliss Temple of Sin on SL

Busy

Learning time management, learning focus, learning prioritizing - all current activities that i am learning in great detail. Having and knowing that They are there with me, helping me through this is a huge weight off my shoulders. i know that i have a safe place to go when overwhelmed and that means the world.

That is part of the walk also, sometimes just being there for E/each other, being that safe place, that source of strength. Something i cannot describe, but it means the world to me.

Naughty Angel

Smiles, i need to learn a little more on time management. Exhausted myself this week and slept like the dead last night. Feel so much more refreshed.

Communication

i am always getting told... We are not mind readers. Which makes communication very important, and yet it is still a area i struggle with. i keep my thoughts quiet, have for many many years. Retraining myself to express them has not been a easy thing, and putting them into words that make sense to O/others beyond my head even more difficult. Can i say this - it is worth it.

It is true no one can read minds, and expecting S/someone to automatically just know something - especially if it is new is ridiculous. Setting one up to fall. Talk, express, and open up those inner walls. Grow together!

One tool that is very useful is doing a journal. A bubble, a safe spot to write, vent, express, scream, cheer, question, talk. A way to open up truthful, serious dialog. Just a note, it is easy to fall into pattern of saying what needs to be said, or glossing over stuff if Y/your not careful. Like i said, opening up what is in my mind is a ongoing process. i trust Them, i just need to release that inner side that has been locked away for years upon years. Time to rewrite learned habits, for newer better ones.

Drop what does Y/you know good, and grow forward ... T/together!

This is a beautiful, powerful journey T/together - embrace it, grow, and learn.

Learning

Life is learning, in all areas there is something to learn, a way to grow. That goes for every area, as a submissive there is always something new to learn, or grow better at doing. Believe me i am far from perfect. i get caught up worrying about doing or saying the wrong thing, that i actually get myself in trouble from overthinking it all together.

Focus is essential, but so is being oneself. Overthinking can be as destructive as not thinking at all. A word of advice for A/all ... pay attention, focus, but be yourself and do not let anxiety trip Y/you up. Worrying really does not do any good, especially in area Y/you cannot control, do Y/your best and learn when Y/you fall. Get up and keep going.

Need to take my own advice on this...

Phew

Busy few days, while i love to work, i love getting off work and coming home to Those i love. i am super tired, which for is the time to pay attention to my attitude, and especially where my focus is. It is sometimes easy to forget, or get cranky and simply fail to show proper respect when one is sleepy. That is an important thing for both Dominates and submissive's to keep in mind. Our best intentions can get all goofed up when our minds are not functioning at their fullest. W/we are human and sleep is not just important but necessary.

So take care of Y/yourself so that Y/you can better take care of T/those Y/you love!

From Draco

Not feeling great today, so it is a perfect chance for not only something educational  - but to show off my bro's work - this is something that Draco put together and offered to let me use:

Orgasm control - This is also referred to as edging, peeking or surfing. It is a sexual technique which may be practiced either alone or with a partner, it involves the maintenance of high levels of arousal for a certain period of time without being allowed to orgasm. When practiced by a male, orgasm control allows the man to enjoy direct stimulation without waiting through the recovery after an orgasm. When the decision has been made to allow the orgasm, the physical sensations are much greater and more pleasurable than if the orgasm was allowed at the beginning. Orgasm control is also referred to as slow maturation this is because you or your partner want to deny orgasm whilst masturbating so therefore the masturbation is prolonged until permission is given.

In partnered sex - When shared in sexual activity between partners, one partner would stimulate the other, gradually building up to an orgasm, the intensity is then reduced so an orgasm is not triggered. If control of the orgasm is given to a partner and orgasm is not allowed for a certain amount of time in order to develop an increased level of sexual tension, it is referred to as erotic sexual denial. By carefully varying the intensity and speed of stimulation, and by practicing with the same partner to learn his or her responses, a person can be held in the highly aroused state near orgasm. This process may be repeated as desired, but at some point repetition may cause the urge to orgasm to become overwhelming. When a partner eventually provides enough stimulation to achieve an orgasm, it may be stronger than usual because the increased tension and arousal that builds up during the extended stimulation. If the partner whose orgasm is being controlled, sometimes referred to as the submissive partner, is put into physical restraints, it may better control the orgasm (the activity is sometimes called tie and tease and if orgasm is denied it is tease and denial). Another possibility is for one partner to help produce multiple orgasms in the other.

Masturbation - When practiced alone, orgasm control is beneficial for heightening sexual pleasure as well as a training tool which permits the practitioner to increase the duration of sex with a partner. For the female, because there is no post-orgasm recovery period, the practitioner can enjoy direct sexual stimulation for longer periods of time, as well as with increased frequency and intensity. For the male, the speed of the rubbing or stroking of the penis may vary to navigate right to the edge of ejaculation. With orgasm control, a male can experience a longer or more intense orgasm, as well as a larger volume of semen expelled during his ejaculation. Because solo masturbation allows for precise control over the feelings, the timing, and the speed of stimulation, many people practice orgasmic control by themselves. One technique, commonly referred to as "edging" is where one will masturbate up until the moment before reaching the point just before orgasm occurs, and then stop suddenly before experiencing a climax. Another technique, commonly referred to as "surfing" is where one will reach the point of orgasm and slow down the stimulation to maintain a heightened level of sensation for an extended time. Repeating either of these techniques many times during a single masturbation session may result in a stronger, more intense orgasm.

Blossoming

mmmmm i was live on the air last night as DJ Angel ... oh what fun. Still learning, so that i can grow into a awesome DJ. It was not until around a few years ago that i realized just how music can influence my sexual excitement or helpt to refocus my attention when it has wondered off into the land of overthinking everything. Such a powerful thing, the words, rhythms, and beats. i can say that i have found a whole new passion for song that i have not had in the past, and i hope that i can find a way to convey that to E/everyone who is out there listening.

Yes, i am the heavy metal nut, but there are some song that are much different who deserve equal time. Perhaps get a few of the L/listeners as excited as they can get me. *winks*

That is what life is about right - learning, growing, challenging oneself to do more. Another part of my adventure, and i love it.

Focus

It is amazing, yesterday while starting my new job - the one thing that helped me out the most when i felt overwhelmed - was hearing Their words in my mind. Calm down, step 1, focus, deep breath. i made it through the day, and even managed to put it out of my head for the night. Of course morning is here and i have work in 2 hours, so it is back and fresh. So is my perspective, hoping i have more of it down today and come through stronger than yesterday.

That is all O/one can do, learn, grow, and let go of the past. Embrace the future, and move forward. Like a rose blossoming outward.

i am the luckiest girl in the world to have Them.

Inner discipline

i know i am stuck here - but it is so crucially important. This morning i am going in to a new job in real life - and the one weakness i know i have is slowing down. i get rushed and then i make stupid mistakes.

Calm, focus, one step at a time, starting on step 1 not 100. Put to use all of the work W/we have been doing at home, because this work is needed in all areas of life, not just certain aspects. While it helps to grow as a person, it helps me to fully blossom as a submissive. That is truly wonderful.

Go ahead, say it again

For T/those that know me, i am famous for stumbling right into trouble. i do not need to try, or to purposely aim for it - give me time and i am right there. What is crucial for me to learn is focus, discipline, to slow down and stop trying to jump all the steps in the middle.

Focus - paying attention, concentrating on what Their words are, what the task is at hand. Not 5 different tasks at once, or on five different conversations at once. you belong to Them - your Dominate is the voice you should always be seeking, the One that you stop and listen to above everything around you. If They are not in that place, then you may want to stop and look at yourself. Believe me  this is not always easy, i hit points where i am trying to do 500 things at once, and Their voice becomes lost in the mind clutter in my head. Even when i think i am focused on Their exact words that moment, if i am doing another task, there is a chance i failed to pay attention to the instructions given. One way for me to over come this is to start making a list of what i am told, so that i do not feel more overwhelmed and try to rush and do everything at one time. .... i still need to find a notepad to do this. Learning!

Discipline - is the control, the focus set forth to do what is needed, required, or at times not even asked of oneself. Self-discipline is crucial in all areas of life, whether one is vanilla, submissive, and especially if one is slave. Without that control and awareness of what you are doing, and what is going on around you, you are a ship tossed about by waves in a calm sea.

Those two areas are important, because face it W/we all love attention - however there is one form of attention i am not a fan of:

Correction - i.e. punishment is when we fail to exercise discipline, or at times even make a mistake. That is when our Dominates stop, take the time to correct what we are doing wrong so that we can grow stronger. If They did not love us, They would not bother with us. Yes it can be harsh, it can hurt our feelers, but once we allow ourselves to move past that point and actually learn what is needed - the growth can be amazing.

Today, tomorrow, and far into the future - focus and self-discipline are two huge areas that i am working with daily, minute to minute at times. Finding that calm space in my head, where i am not overwhelmed and rushing. Learning to stay there with a list of what needs to happen, not what has to happen that second. Learning to find this point within a second of being reminded, so that i can stop, take that deep breath, and then move forward correctly.

If W/we are not growing and learning T/together - then W/we are stagnant -and that is not healthy for any of U/us.

Welcome to my world and my thoughts. While i bring Y/you into my life, know that Y/you will not fully know me. Several things i keep private for my own sanity and that of Those around me. First me - i am a owned submissive in real life. i love Them with all my heart and soul, They are my everything. Do not get any ideas there. Yes They are Both very aware of my online activities. 

In Second Life - my persona is the Angel of Sin - at my home, Bliss Temple of Sin, i am one of the beautiful dancers that graces the poles. i also escort/text with option for voice only. i do not do cam. This Angel is always up to mischief, but keep in mind that the gorgeous Sin - owner of Bliss Temple of Sin, always has a final say when it comes to my antics. She is the one i answer to, and She knows of all my activities. Y/you can find me on Utherverse, but i rarely show up online there.

What is unique to my persona and me, is there is no difference in who Y/you get. i am the Angel of Sin, i am me when i am logged in and working or having fun, and i am me when i get offline from there. It is a true work that i enjoy doing, but this is to bring me to life. To show the more serious side of the Lifestyle that most do not get a true feel for while W/we are busy with our DJ's in a gig on SL.

Just a side note... this Angel is working on becoming one of the newest DJ Personalities to BToS Radio!